Front of Stage Productions Present...
... the fourth annual TWIL awards for Convention 2004

This year, I have mostly been working on my torpor and my air percussion. But anyway, enough about me. What follows is based on a true story. Only the words have been changed to protect the guilty.

The 'She looks more like him than I do' award for lookeylikeys
Don Butler – Citizen Smith
Acid flash back Timothy Leary guy
Lucy in Disguise
Wally from the Moondogs – Ben Stiller
Fausto from the Winnerys - Harry Shearer (Mark Shubb) in 'A Mighty Wind'

The 'One more time?' award for most overplayed song
Nowhere Man

The 'When I get to the bottom I go back to the top' award for most triumphant return
The Overtures

The 'There's nothing you can sing that can't be sung' award because, obviously, there isn't.
You Know My Name (Look Up The Number) from the Faux at the Royal Court

The 'Make love singing song' award part 1 – tunes
Winnerys – You Know What to Do
Winnerys – Yes It Is (Oh my! Vocals only! Oh my!)
British Export – Baby's In Black
Tures – Friday On My Mind
Ringer – Do It Again

The 'Living it up when I'm going down' award for those Steve Tyleresque touches
Fab Faux stage setting at the Royal Court

The 'Imagine no possessions' award
Jointly awarded to the cad who stole Helen's phone from the American Bar and the Unite kitchens for providing cups and plates but no kettle or cutlery

The 'Where did your long hair go' award for most disappointing change of coiffure
George Parrot

The 'Money can't buy me love ... nor, seemingly, a double scotch and coke, unless I mortgage my house' rip-off award
Adelphi bar prices

The 'Make love singing songs' award part 2 – Sets
Faux – Royal Court
Winnerys – Cavern 4pm Friday

The 'Sitting on a cornflake' award for breakfast
Saturday morning, and the return of prunes to the Adelphi buffet

The 'This Boy/That Boy/This Boy' award for making fast and loose with the lyrics
Jack Faux at the Cavern
Tim Piper band – Working Class Hero
Repeatles – Here Comes the Sun (Friday)

The Bootleg 'worshipped as a deity in North Wales' award for Yer Blues in the Cavern
Frank Faux

The 'All the world is birthday cake award' for – erm – birthdays in or around BW
Michelle
Rich Faux
Kimmie
Laura
(and coming up on the outside ... Amanda and Frank)

The 'One and one and one is three' award for impressing the musicians with her knowledge of the triplets on I Feel Fine
Nina

The 'Who've you come as – Mark Staycer or Tim Piper?' award
All those Lennon wannabes...

The 'We are the champions' award for soldiering on despite the laryngitis
Dios Salve a La Reina

The 'Tuned to a natural E' award for crappiest sound-mix
The very front of stage at the Pier Head. (And what a strange aircraft hanger of a place that stage was)

The 'How does it feel to be one of the beautiful people?' award for eye candy
Phil Overture
The lovely Gregor (though Charlotte can't see it)
Rusty (most famous person at BW)

The 'Watching the skirt' award for eye candy for the boys
Akoustica
Alena from the Yar Band
Liverpool women (if that's not too scary a thought)

The 'Not a bit like Cagney' award for inappropriate use of the fake Scouse accent
All those American boots 'n' suits bands (I mean ... purlease ... we *were* in Liverpool...)

The 'Been away so long I hardly knew the place' award
The Rawhide Comedy Club, which was once upon a time the Central Hall. How strange to be back there after all these years.

The 'Let It Be - Live Aid' award
Parrots Act Naturally at the Rawhide (note to soundman – Ringo song. Turn up the drummers mic. See how comfortably those phrases sit together?)

The 'And the band begins to play' award for bringing that Dixieland jazz feel to BW
The brass section on Yellow Submarine, Royal Court, Monday

The 'Don't let me wait too long' award for speedy change-overs
Most (but not all) of the event. Time keeping was the best I've seen it *ever*

The 'Move on up just a trifle further' award for pushing back the boundaries yet again
The Faux. (Yes, I love 'em. Say it loud, say it proud.)

The 'Going to work don't want to go feeling low down' award
Tomorrow morning

Janine (She's not a girl who misses much)