Front of Stage Productions Present...
... the third annual TWIL awards for Convention 2003

In a surprise turn of events, the TWILburys voted cheeky chappie Billy H out of the Big Brother hotel early in the race, and seem to be backing the obnoxious Adelphi staff all the way to the finishing post. Those TWILburys are obviously the weakest link themselves, therefore as the only compos mentis (or is that compost corner) member of the list, I have, yet again, had to devise my own set of awards, which are guaranteed a 3 record deal as long as they lose enough weight and can appeal to the pink pound and learn to warble their voice a bit more. Here they are.

The "Yellow Matter Custard" award for foreign objects in the foodstuff
Adelphi breakfast

The "Bootleg Paul O'Grady" award
Neil B

The "I Will" Award for being I, Will
Will Lee

The "Run For Your Life" award for the breathtaking speed of their performance
Mersey Beatles, Convention Stage

And also for the Mersey Beatles, the companion "I Hear the Clock A- Ticking" award for an interesting approach to the time signatures

The "I Call Your Name" award for best moniker
The Repeatles

The "It's My Birthday Too" award for being in celebratory mood
Laura
CCT
Ringer
Kim (no, not that one, the other one)
Steve Holley

The "Just Like That" award for making the hula dance at the end of Hello Goodbye seem more like a Tommy Cooper impersonation
Steve Party Boy

The "Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing Out" award for alternative instrumentation
Aussie Beatalls uke on Something
Chantal

The "Lying There and Staring At The Ceiling" award for interesting things you can see if you just look up
Beautiful art nouveau paintings in the Barcelona
Even more of that horrible blue flowery wall paper on the ceilings of the Adelphi corridors (whyohwhy?)
Flying saucer light shades in the North Western
The ceiling in the Royal Court

The "Walking On Thin Ice" award for taking the mickey out of Yoko
Instant Karma

The "We Always Came Back To The Song We Were Singing" award for most unusual cover version
Clube Big Beatles - I Think Therefore I Rock and Roll

The "Bootleg Eddie Izzard" award
Lenny Pane's drummer

The "I'll Be Back" award (aka the Terminator* award) for most unwelcome return
Eileen Downey
* Terminator / Terminate her – geddit? Ooh, please yerselves

The "Blow Away" award for being a breath of fresh air
That woman from Chantal and all her woodwind instruments during 'I've Just Seen a Face'

The "Dig It" award part I - best sets
Ringer - Convention Stage
Chavasse Park - Saturday
62 - Cavern, Tuesday

The "You Had Control of Our Smiles And Our Tears" award for making us cry for George again this year
Gav Pring's lyric changes, Cavern Pub, Tuesday night

"The Deeper You Go The Higher You Fly" award
The Fab Faux for the White Album Show

The "Bootleg Derek out of Eastenders" award
Gregor from Ringer

The "I Don't Want To Hear You Again" award for most overplayed song of the week
Here Comes The Sun (never, ever thought I'd say that...)

The "I looked Around And There Wasn't A Chair" award
Adelphi Lounge. Though bizarrely, of course, there often were chairs this year. Just, we were banned from sitting on them. Or even being in the same room as them. Or even being in any room at all.

The "That Is You Can't You Know Tune In But It's All Right" award for soldering on in the face of technical difficulties
Lenny Pane - Convention Stage
The Fab Faux - Chavasse Park

The "You Know My Name ... So I'm Gonna Change It Just to Confuse You" award
The Olive Flying Black Postmen

The "Imagine This Isn't Maudlin" award for a refreshing rendition of a hackneyed song
Clube Big Beatles, Convention Stage - Imagine

The "Your Voice Is Soothing But the Words Aren't Clear" award for fluffing their lines
Saulo, Clube Big Beatles – With A Little Help
Dylanesque – Mr Tambourine Man
Rich Faux – I Am The Walrus (did he have a knickers fixation or what? 3 times he let 'em down!)
And for the second year running ... Just about everybody – Come Together

The "You Should See Her In Drag" award
Jack Faux

The "Hair Today" award for best wigs
The Repeatles

The "Dig It" award part II - best songs
Faux – Yer Blues
Black Olives – Let Me Roll It
Ringer – God Only Knows
Lenny Pane – All Together Now

The "Bigger Than Jesus" award for being worshipped as a deity in North Wales
Jimmy Vivino

Janine (totally knackered, but still on Adelphi Time)